clishmaclaver Outer Space


Hi, as some of you might know, I like to write short stories (both in English and Croatian, my blog being Under the Iron Sky), and I’ve written a new one this morning:

Queen Alice

It’s a bit graphic, a sex scene is in the center of the short story, so beware (if you dislike that kind of stuff), but I’d still like to hear your thoughts about it and if you’ve liked it or not.

“Hi Luka, what did you do today?” “Oh, nothing, written a short story with some porn, I mean, a sex scene in it.” “Really? Is it relatively graphic and has the word “breasts” in it?” “Yes… okay I’ve written a porn. I write pornos now, happy?” “Yes. Now let me park this motherfucking TARDIS and let’s eat something.” “Deal.”

- Luka

(You’ll love it, Nic liked it and it made Andrea blush and “aw” out loud *proud as BALLS because of that* and she read so many fanfics we lost count, so that must mean something). /egotrip

Sorry for the bad video quality, it’s my connection + bad lighting in the room. 

These are scattered, random thoughts. Probably don’t make much sense. Just something to think about, if you want to. Learn a lot so I can improve since I’ve never filmed myself, besides this time and… one other time. 

Post I’ve made after making the video: (This is in the video if my English sucks beyond comprehensions)

I’ve been reading Blink by Malcolm Gladwell, and in his book he presents an idea that, summarized (if I got it right) would be - when you first look at things or a person, you get impressions and emotions right in the first 2 seconds - and they are in most cases the right and most accurate ones. I personally don’t like this book because it seems to be a psychology for the masses, really simplified and while he presents an interesting idea, he adds examples on top of it instead of expanding that idea. I’ve only read few chapters of it, so I’m not gonna judge it yet, but while I dislike it at the moment I’d still recommending - it’s still an interesting read.

Any way, I wanted to talk about Words. If his idea is true, then the first two seconds, the first impressions you got of me are the right ones. They should be unprejudiced, nonjudgmental, nonstereotyped. That’s something you should aspire to, in order to get the right impressions of people. When you wish to share that with me, like if I ask you what impression did you get of me - you need to put it into words. And have you ever felt that ecstatic, not sad not happy, not delirious not exciting yet you want to explode - feeling? When listening to a new song or you are at a concert? You know you do, well wasn’t it extremely hard to explain to someone who hasn’t felt it?

Our communication is flawed. It’s like the emotions get transcribed or translated through four steps. The first step is translating your emotions, something that only you understand because everybody has a different set of emotions and a unique set of you - into thoughts. When thoughts kick in, the world around you kicks in, all the prejudices and all the ideas how to translate it the best way possible. It’s extremely hard, and it’s fascinating how our brain actually works. After that, thoughts get transcribed into words, and words get transcribed into typed out words if you are on the internet. Along with words you have hand gestures, non verbal speech, facial expressions. On the internet, you don’t even have that. With every transcription we lose several extremely important keypoints. 

We don’t have an USB port for emotions, unfortunately.

Other thing I wanted to talk about is language - if we make the language, not the language us, then we need more words. But, since it can be found in a thousand copies, the dictionaries, the guidebooks, whatever - it’s fact. It’s something unchangeable. You are not allowed to change it. The same thing with the fact that there were several acknowledged psychological researches were they concluded that society and their peers raise children and - not their parents, their parents guide them. While it may not be true, in most cases of my experience and other stories - I see that it is true! Then why don’t we change that definition?

Are we that scared of change? Losing boundaries? Are we that insecure in ourselves, that we don’t trust us, not to say others?

by Luka.

(Pst, extras: Matthew gave some great insight on my rant, so here you go if you’re interested.)
Matt: Ah right good. Well I sort of disagree with your point that emotions are transcribed into thoughts, which are influenced by the culture/society or whatever, because I feel that you can “think” or whatever without having an emotional trigger, but perhaps you were talking in a certain context, I don’t know. Regarding “not being able to change language”, well, you can. English and other languages are.. well I can’t remember the official term but basically they are defined by the people. When a word becomes commonly used it becomes part of the language, whereas I think German is a “rote” language or something where the language is as written, or whatever, and cannot change from “German” as it is. But yeah basically a shared symbol system only gets us so far. As Aldous Huxley says - “We can pool information about experiences, but never the experiences themselves. From family to nation, every human group is a society of island universes.” 

Luka: Only in the context of trying to describe something you felt. There is no ‘language of the feels’ (?). You need to put it in a box, and if you start by saying something and that person has a facial expression you (<insert reason here> think of/take it in as a negative one), you immediately change your whole definition, maybe changing your whole emotion in itself. And about the language part - it’s only because we don’t add new words. We’ve already had a discussion for respect/gratitude, but none of those words fit our definitions (if you remember it Matt/Nic/A/if anybody else was in it), we got confused over them. 
Any case, now I know what to improve - write thoughts first, then pile them up, see if your initial point is getting across, then make a video. This was just a mumbo-jumbo I had to share with someone.

Matt: Well that’s the same for language as a whole when you think about it Luka. We try to translate experience into words, into little boxes with specific definitions which we are told. Experience is probably the furthest thing from words as you can get, it is incomprehensible or at least indescribable as a whole, but because we need to get shit done we ascribe arbitrary values to certain dimensions of reality that we separate and call a “chair” or whatever. But any word has connotations, and language therefore influences and boxes in our thinking, and possibly even our experiences too. There were studies done in children pre and post-language, and there were notable differences in the way the appeared to perceive the world around them.

Luka: Yeah, touched that point after in a brief unfinished sentence (?). I just find sorta strange we’re good at a system that is flawed in so many ways, and that technology can’t break this ‘thoughts’ shell. It’s fascinating how our brain works though, translating them through the ‘levels’.

Matt: I’m pretty sure technology will be able to break the barrier between minds though Luka. Already we have technology that can translate brain activity into video and audio, as crappy as it is. The issue still remains that whatever you are seeing is still just a translation though. Even if we had brain implants and could send experience or whatever telepathically, you’d still have to wonder whether your experience of, say, the colour red is really the same as theirs, and the brain patterns are not just equivalent to words, they are symbols representative of but not dictating the content of experience.

Luka: Bingo! Same thoughts. I was always sad when I thought that the colours could be different to every person and even if he had a chance to literally show it - it’d probably get misunderstood. Yet, I want a new system because this one seems limiting.


This is my first time posting on the blog because I never felt like I had something good enough to say. 
I remember that Luka said we should show the world that with practise you can get somewhere.

On the blog we had before Andrea challenged us to do art.
I love drawing with watercolor but I was never good at it so I just sat down and tried. This is what I made:

Random art thingie:

Benedict Cumerbatch:

while doing this I discovered how much I enjoyed creating art so I continued. I started to draw my friends faces. first I did myself

then another friend

and more friends but the one everyone likes best is this one:

As you can see I made quite a lot of progress. I took longer time, I was drawing every day.

Then I started drawing Cumberbatch again.

And then after a lot of practise this happened:

I really think that one is great - and I also think I made so much progress. 

Today I started practise somethinge I see on the internet all the time:

I still have a lot to learn. but I guess what I want to say is that if you want to do art and you think you cant -practise. A lot. And then a lot more and you’ll see yourself getting better. I see myself getting better and it makes me feel proud of myself. It’s worth it.


i feel like im still 16 maybe 35% of the time. i think “16” really encapsulates that “teenager” feel without the inherent immaturity that is associated with “15” and is when people are young but think they are a lot cooler than they are. ive always felt more “mature” than my actual age so i think “16” seems fitting.

i think when i was actually 16, people thought the things i did were impressive for my age, or at least there was an opportunity to think so. i feel that at 18 i have crossed that line and i can no longer be impressively young.

(Source: painsofbeingperf)

"tired." the boy pondered the word, tried it for taste, spat it back out again. he wove it into his skin, brushed it onto his fingertips. he threaded it within his heartstrings, pulling so tightly that his eardrums hummed and his eyes saw stars and his ribs tingled, pulled until the five letters melted and their essence filled his entire being. then he knew; then he felt the weight of the world on his shoulders. he drowned himself in it, not knowing how to get out, only surrounded by the echoes of his own voice resonating through his bones — “i am so very tired.”

Reason Rally

Yesterday, I went to the most fantastic meetup in the world. A meetup of atheists, agnostics, freethinkers, secularists, and humanists, who all wanted to be recognized for being the good people they are without a god. We didn’t just sit there and make fun of religion (okay, we did do a little of that), we talked about political issues, feminist issues, religious issues, gay issues, environmental issues, and atheist issues. We rallied to let people know that we were here, and we’re not going to be silent about it anymore. So many people believe atheists are evil, devil-worshippers who are worse than rapists and cannot be trusted to be responsible for their children or the country. Only 40% of Americans would vote for an atheist to be in a political position of leadership. Yesterday, there were over 20,000 people who came together on the Washington DC Mall (in the freezing rain, mind you) to stand up for our rights as godless humans.


  • Greta Christina did a shorter version of this speech, adding some things including “I’m angry that Rick Santorum is a serious contender for president.” 
  • Adam Savage had the most wonderful speech about logic and reason, and ended with this magnificent thing: I have concluded through careful empirical analysis and much thought that somebody is looking out for me, keeping track of what I think about things, forgiving me when I do less than I ought. Giving me strength to shoot for more than I think I’m capable of. I believe they know everything that I do and think, and they still love me, and I’ve concluded, after careful consideration, that person keeping score is me.
  • Penn Jillette recorded video to be played (personally I think he’s very entertaining to watch), check out a similar video he did with Big Think on religious politicians.
  • Tim Minchin!!!!111 Oh my god, I fangirled so hard. He performed this and this and Confessions, including a “and IIIIIIIII will always looooove boobs” tribute to Whitney Houston.
  • Jamie Kilstein performed, which I honestly haven’t heard of until this rally, and he was HILARIOUS. Go check out his stuff, please, please.
  • James Randi spoke, he’s such an adorable old man and I loved all of his skeptical opinions. Infinite number of videos on youtube of his stuff, like this.
  • RICHARD DAWKINS, we all chanted his name before he spoke and he was so lovely I cannot believe I was within a football field’s length of him.
  • Cristina Rad, second fangirling spree. She talked about how atheism is not a religion, based mostly on this video.
  • Eddie Izzard did some stand-up, I’ve seen him on British tellie but I’d never heard him do stand-up before. It was hilarious. 
  • Lawrence Krauss talked about his book, based on this talk.

Here are some great signs/clothings (I’ve borrowed from other bloggers, I used my phone to record all the speeches so I didn’t get very many photos before it died):

You can get all of this on video by checking youtube or buying the DVD. I heard so many wonderful people speak, saw so many great signs, and afterwards had a rather grueling adventure home in the rain, from metro to bus to walking to driving to my sister’s house and driving home from there.

Greatest day of my life, if I do say so myself.

"wait, what did he say?"; "why did he do that?"; "who is she?!"— if you had not been talking a few seconds ago, you would know the answer to that, now wouldn’t you. 

i’m sitting on my couch watching a movie with people who i guess i consider to be my friends. i’m throwing a birthday slumber party, and honestly, i’m beginning to regret it.

birthday parties are so damn awkward. the only thing the guests have in common is that they know you, and they’re around the same age. no one really mingles with one another. and as selfish as this sounds, if i wasn’t assured money/gifts, i know i wouldn’t bother throwing one. 

i blow the candles out the candles after awkwardly standing for 60ish seconds (when you’re being sang to). my wish? that i’ll take the initiative to make this year better than the last.

so “happy” birthday to me. i may as well pretend.

Everything is a competition.

My best friend and I play this game, it doesn’t matter which one is it, the important bit is: it’s combat-oriented, you gain gold for killing neutral monsters and player champions, it requires timing and knowledge of the character you are playing play/are playing against. He asked me to play me versus him, in order for him to practice, while I share some advice on how to get better and what he should change/when it’s obvious he’s about to make a move/when is the right time to react etc. I’m playing that game far longer than him, it’s normal that I’m better at it, but I always feel really guilty because it seems he gets really frustrated and down because of it. He falls even more into his insecurities and becomes down-spirited, although he says it helps him improve (and it does) – yet I always feel bad.

Today, I was really tired and sleepy and was not paying attention nor fully concentrated, plus there was another player watching he wanted to impress (in order to prove himself), basically, we were even, but in the end the match ended being in his favour (for the first time). During it, while he was ahead, he said „This is fun :D From now on we always play when you’re sleepy lol“. And for the first time he said „Good game“ when the match ended, while before, when he had a worse score than me, he’d say nothing in that sense. I wouldn’t say „Good game“, I was doing it because he wanted me to help and I didn’t really have fun playing against someone who is trying his best yet still failing just because I had more time on my hands to get better at it. Nor was I having fun since I felt my friend is feeling bad because of his lack of skill, which he shouldn’t feel bad about in the first place, it just takes time. Not like games are designed for 190+ IQ. 

I was incredibly angry and sad at the same time. I felt as some sort of a toy in order to boost his ego, a puppet in order to impress some random guy he doesn’t even know nor should care about what he thinks of him, and now it was fun – but before? Not it was fun when he was winning, being better than me, superior than me? All those other 1 versus 1 matches, what? They weren’t fun? Why are we playing –a game-, if it’s not for fun? To prove ourselves? Honestly? What do we have to prove to each other, we’re already friends?

Then I realized, at some points in these matches, I too would stop thinking about fun sometimes and would kill his champion in order to prove my superiority and how I can win against him easily, to make myself feel better or give an excuse to myself for a mistake I’ve made. I’d advise him what he could’ve done to prevent me killing his champion etc., but still, I had that feeling inside of me, even for a short time.

Why is everything about being the best and winning?

Mortal Kombat or Tekken 3, the narrator: You win!

Pokémon opening theme: “I want to be the very best”

Your teachers: You need to be the best in class in order to get into whichever college you want!

Your parents/Job adviser/Anyone: You need to be the best worker so you get recognize and become provided with all the material needs you want/require!

Yourself: I need to get better at <insert>, so people will notice me.

Is it really that important to win? Couldn’t “Hope you had fun!” have sufficed? Is showing superiority against somebody/to somebody what really motivates us?

There are 6 billion other people on the planet. You are not going to be the best. Stop proving yourself to someone, stop proving your worth to yourself. You are worthy. Be you. If it’s fun, if it’s what you want, do it. When it stops being that, stop doing it. 

Yes, you have to be the best in class in order to get into whichever college you want, that’s how the system works, but not if it’s making you feel bad and affecting you negatively in general. You’re smart, you’re young, no, you will not end on the street if you don’t get into UCLA. No, you don’t have to be the best worker, you have to be a good worker. Good, in general, in all qualities, not excelling in one particular field.

Society, stop turning everything into a goddamn competition.

Stop planting subconscious ideas into my head which make me compete against my friend(s). They’re my companions, my allies, not my opponents or someone I have to prove my worth to. I don’t have to prove anything.

I think, therefore I exist. I exist, therefore I’m proving myself to everybody. 

They wouldn’t be my friends if they didn’t think I’m “worthy enough”. 

Why does everything have to be measured?

It’s an unnecessary and a negative system. How do you define best, in a field such as photography for example anyway? 6 billion people, those are 6 billion brains, who will pick a different photograph from 6 available ones and grade it as “the best”.

Who then decides which one is the best?
Or do they compete against each other?
Fight in the mud?

This world is barbaric. And they say we evolved. Spinning in circles, tip-toeing in one place.


[More questions than answers, really.] ~ Luka

We are Clishmaclaver, a group of people from all over the world coming together to share ideas on this blog.